According to the North America Foundation for Gambling Addiction in 2016 there were in the US more then 10 million people affected by problem gambling. According to the US Census Bureau the average American family is composed of 3.14 members. We can safely say, therefore, that beside the gamblers themselves, there are now more than 30 million unknown victims of gambling in the US. They are victims because they pay the price, sometimes devastating, of another person's destructive actions. They are unknown because, although they are part of a social phenomenon of which much is spoken, very little is said about them and very little is done to help them. The unknown victims are the relatives of the pathological gambler. This book is directed at them.
As I mentioned before, I have been a pathological gambler for 30 years, but for the last 22 years (beside a short relapse 7 years ago) I have stopped gambling. For 22 years I have been rebuilding my life. At the same time, my family’s life has also improved. But I am also the member of a family with another pathological gambler. I believe, therefore, that I can offer you an incisive and broad perspective of the problem, that I can tell you how gambling works from within its monstrous mechanism, in all its possible facets. I have lived them all, I have been in it. At different times in my life I had different roles in relation to gambling, sometimes overlapping:
• Role as a gambler, with the pain and remorse of having systematically destroyed my life, along with that of family and friends.
• As a recovering gambler, who stopped gambling in self-help groups, I looked at this role from outside observing other gamblers who like me had sown pain and devastation, and I actively participated in the recovery process of many of them.
• As a family member of a gambler I have experienced all the anguish of a relative who watches helplessly the self-destruction of a person deeply dear to him, but I have also received the gift of being able to assist and collaborate in the recovery of this person, who so far has not gambled for more than 16 years.
• By interacting in various capacities with the family members of other gamblers, I was able to share both their pain and frustration, as well as their joys due to improvement and success.
Gambling was central to my existence. Just as today it is my path to recovery from gambling. This book is an attempt to share my experience with you, hoping that it will help you recover your lives. Helping you recognize the existence of a gambling problem and knowing what to do are the two basic goals that this book aims to achieve. It is essential to identify the existence of this problem in a family member as soon as possible. The sooner you become aware of the problem, the sooner you can help the person who gambles, but above all yourself. It will thus be possible to limit the terrible economic, social, psychological, and physical damage that gambling causes to all the people involved, directly and indirectly. The gambler, family members, friends, employer, no one who is part of the gambler's life is excluded.
The material of the book is organized as follow.
1) Defining the difference between gambling as entertainment and pathological gambling.
2) The book will explain why pathological gambling should not be seen as a vice or a character flaw, but it should be considered a medically defined disease.
3) One of the characteristics of this disease is the uncanny ability of compulsive gamblers to become secretive, to maintain a façade, to be highly deceptive and manipulative, which makes it it difficult for the family members to become aware early enough that there is a problem. A specific chapter will provide you with tools that will help you reach that awareness: what and where to look for in the gambler’s behavior.
4) The book will assist you in overcoming your own resistance to accepting that a person so dear to you has such a serious problem and can behave in such despicable ways.
5) Once you accept the fact that there is a gambling problem in the family, you need to deal with it. you will be provided suggestions on what to do and what not to do in that regards, on what is the best strategy to confront the problem.
6) Another fundamental characteristic of the disease is the patient’s denial. It will be hard to bring the compulsive gambler to admit and accept that he is sick and needs to take certain steps to resolve the issue, the first one being to stop gambling. this book will provide you with a list of possible gambler’s objections and ways to overcome the gambler’s resistance.
7) One of the most common results of compulsive gambling is the creation of financial problems. You will be given suggestions on the specific steps to take to confront in a constructive way the situation and to prepare a long term plan of financial re-entry. The chapter will suggest also ways to deal with creditors.
8) Parallel to the plan to solve the practical issues created by the gambling, it is essential to conceive and implement a plan to help the gambler and the whole family to heal. Professional medical help becomes of paramount importance. Different options and the available resources will be briefly explained.
9) You will find also a bibliography that could help you explore more in-depth related subjects of personal interest.
Intervening will require a specific recovery project for you, for the gambler and for your whole family. My message and my testimony tell you this: recovering from gambling, both as a family member and as a gambler, is possible. It is not easy, it requires perseverance, patience, strength, courage. But it can be done.
